Rolls of packing Paper
How dare the Jets pack 350 rolls of toilet paper for a three-day trip to the motherland?
Where exactly did Gang Green think they were playing the Dolphins on Sunday anyway? Djibouti?
There are places that still employ the ole bucket-and-spigot method to clean fannies, but London isn’t one of them. (For the record, the T.P. in my hotel room wasn’t too thin.)
Woody Johnson’s organization nearly created an international incident with its desire to create all the comforts of home to help win a football game overseas. The British are civilized people, but question their ability to adequately take care of their bums and they get a little cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. (By the way, the Jets packed cereal for the trip too.)
Whether it was Charmin Ultra (“Best for Bare Bottoms”), Angel Soft (“Comfort Where You Want It”) or Cottonelle (“Looking Out for the Family”), Jets players were just delighted that their derrieres were considered during the year-long planning for this trip across the pond.
“We’re the best organization in football, man, ” outside linebacker Calvin Pace said with a smile after practice on Friday. “Sometimes you guys write articles about us that don’t say that. But this place, they’ll do anything for you. I mean, who brings toilet paper? Little things like that make your trip easier. If it’s a good thing for us, if it helps us win, I’m all for it.”
There were 220 people in the team’s traveling party, which equated to 1.6 rolls per person. That’s a lot of toilet paper for less than 72 hours. It’s probable that most would be able to spare a square if anyone somehow ran low.
“I could make a sharp comment right there, ” Todd Bowles said before thinking better of it. “I’m not touching that one.”
The hosts’ outrage, of course, didn’t spark actual anger, but more of a genuine curiosity about their supposed unsatisfactory wipes.